Parenting Archives - Journey Inspired

Parent’s Best Solution for “the talk”

It seems earlier than ever before we must have “the talk” with our children. If we don’t the world will. In our house conversations about all these things had to begin early because of some of the environments our girls were in. Now, think about that for a moment. We home school. We are members of the local church. The only other interaction our girls had with the “world” was at my dance studio or their gym.

I was pretty sure I had sufficiently bubble wrapped them so I could put off those conversations for as long as possible. And then one day, the questions started. I really didn’t want to stumble along and make everything really awkward and weird! We wanted a way to provide Biblical, loving, honest answers that would set a solid foundation for their lives.

So… um…. now what?

I was talking to a friend who I deeply respect about what they did with their daughter.- (Because that is how I parent… I steal ideas from other great parents) Passport to Purity was their recommendation, so I ordered the kit and dove in to check it out.

This post contains affiliate links *which means I receive a small commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase using this link.*

Passport2Purity® Getaway Kit by FamilyLife – Version 3

It’s set up so that moms take daughters (or dads take sons) on a short retreat to work through the materials. You listen to sessions, discuss, do some guided activities to bring life to concepts and then take fun breaks! We went to a fancy hotel with a water park and fancy restaurants.

As I worked through the material I discovered there were so many HUGE concepts it tackled!!! There was so much more content there than just “the talk”.

Friendships

The dynamics and drama of middle school girls is enough to make you want to pull your hair out. With Passport to Purity, there are several sessions on navigating these relationships with grace and maturity.

Boyfriends/Girlfriends

We believe dating is for the specific purpose of having a lasting relationship with someone that will partner with you in life. While the culture embraces dating as early as elementary school… we do not and I really needed some tools to help explain to the girls why we have a different “normal”.

We found that Passport to Purity helped us define what dating is and what boundaries they want to make as a young men or women. What I really loved about this section was that it began the conversations and let us come up with our own strategy for our home. It asks tough questions and helps you to be intentional about what the expectations are. We found that having a plan before they got to this issue was so important!

All the Tough Topics

We really wanted to express the truth of the Word AND the love of God for all people, to our girls. There are a lot of really tough topics regarding growing up and sexuality. What we loved about Passport to Purity is that it speaks truth AND it speaks love- giving you great tools and information for the things that we MUST talk about with our kids. It starts the conversations that will continue as they mature.

Set the Standard High

One of my favorite things about Passport to Purity is that it sets the standard very high regarding purity. In seeking God’s plan for dating relationships you can remain sexually pure until you are married. Some might say it’s impossible in this culture, but we say nothing is impossible with Christ. At the end of the sessions, your teen will have the opportunity to make a pledge of purity. What is beautiful about this is -they think through trusting God, their parents and their future spouse with their heart. This team will partner with them to guard their heart until the time comes to say, “I do”.

The curriculum helps them understand that this commitment to remain pure may make you feel weird or different from those around them. You are not weird! You simply have made a personal choice about your body, faith, mental and physical health that some people choose not to make.

This post comes from a Christian perspective. If that is not your faith, there are things you can still enjoy from it. I never mean to exclude, only speak from my perspective. thanks for reading!

Passport2Purity® Getaway Kit by FamilyLife – Version 3

Ask Me!

I’m so passionate about what this program has done for my girls that I’d love to walk you through any concerns. I’d even be happy to help facilitate your group or help you organize your special weekend. Just ask!

Spilled Glitter

When the girls were little we had this special room we did school in. It was painted this really happy yellow and had cute hot pink lockers, real school desks, and a whiteboard. We LOVED our “yellow room”! One day I spilled gold glitter all over the inside of my desk drawer. It was a huge mess- AND it was so beautiful! We stopped and looked at it and decided to leave it as decoration!

I once blew up an inflatable ball pit for them to use in our playroom because it had rained for so many days. I remember almost passing out and seeing spots as they squealed and jumped.

At bedtime, we used to act out the day so they knew what we had to do the next day. I’d pretend to swim, dance, play piano, cook, drive… all really fast until they were giggling. Then we would read Little Quack and I Love You Forever. I’d always cry at the end of I Love you Forever- so Trinity made up a funny song so I’d laugh and tickle them instead.

Tonight I’ve been thinking a lot about the precious memories I have of my girls being little. See, we are getting to the age with Trinity that some of her friends are graduating, we are talking colleges, career paths and even what she wants an apartment to look like someday! She’s learning to drive and schedules her own social things now. Everything is changing…

I’ve cried at every birthday because I SO very much don’t want each part of their lives to change. I could live forever with them ages 5 and 3… or 8 and 6… or 13 and 11! It’s not that I don’t look forward to what is next, it’s just I really LOVE where we are! Can’t we just stay here a bit longer?

The moments we are living in today are so fast and full of busy-ness, but they are the memories we will treasure in just a short time. So as I reflect on this I want to be more intentional about laughing together, hearing their voices, seeing the wonder in their eyes, being excited with them about things that are new to them, and seeing the beauty in the spilled glitter.

Dr Pepper on the Ceiling

I have this mental rule… I’ll only make one trip from the car to the kitchen with groceries. This gets me in trouble sometimes.

I carried at least 6 bags of groceries on each arm. My then, 4 and 2 year olds carried a few things. We plop the bags down on the kitchen floor and BOOM- the Dr Pepper takes off like a rocket! It flies up in the air, spraying the ceiling, the walls and then it lands on the ground and shoots across the kitchen floor spilling every last drop all over the baseboards and floor. I’m sure our eyes were like full moons. I remember looking at Trinity and her eyes meeting mine and we just burst out laughing.

After a few minutes my laughter became tears. I began to cry because the cleanup seemed so overwhelming. Be honest, 2 and 4 year old kids are not the best at cleaning Dr Pepper. It had streaked the walls, splattered the ceiling and coated the baseboards. Everything within sight was sticky! Who knew there was so much Dr Pepper in one bottle! We cleaned and cleaned, but it was so difficult to find all the places the Dr Pepper had infiltrated. In fact, I’m pretty sure there were a few splatters still on those walls when we sold the house.

Opportunity in Chaos

Looking back, I see so many opportunities that God allows our kids to see the how we handle chaos. It’s in these moments of chaos that we have an opportunity to teach our kids how to respond. To a child these moments make us seem a bit more real, a bit like them and we can share a moment of connection. Being honest about how you feel in a moment will give them the tools to know how to be honest about their emotions too. We have to in these moments teach them by example how to have all the emotions, but not to let the emotions run us.

It’s okay to laugh… it’s okay to cry…

It’s not okay to scream and blame people,

It’s not okay to give up and just run away.

We need to find ways to show them that it’s okay to laugh at mistakes. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. They need to see that adults make mistakes too and we have to clean up messes. We are creating a relationship of honesty and trust that will carry them into middle and high school.

Looking Ahead

In the tween/teen years we want them to share their emotions and experiences with us. They need to have seen the example of us sharing with them so that it’s just normal that we talk and share because that is what we have always done. It’s not something you can suddenly build when they are 13. Trust takes time.

Our kids also need to know that we aren’t so “perfect” that we can’t relate to what they are going through or thinking. We need to have shared dozens of reality moments- from the hilarious to the heartbreaking with them. Letting them see us vulnerable, real and coping with things. Then they will have this deep rooted sense of security and relationship with us that allows them to be vulnerable, real and cope with things WITH US!

Application for Preschool and Elementary

Look for opportunity in your chaos. When there is a huge mess, take time to show your child how to break the work down, laugh about it, make it fun and stick in until it’s finished. If your feelings get hurt about an invitation to an event you can say, “I’m sad because I thought I’d be invited to this event and I wasn’t”. Maybe you go through a loss, and while you are grieving you can walk through some of those big emotions with your child. Share your life with them (at age appropriate levels of course) so that they see by example the tools that you use to manage chaos.

They need to have laughed, cried and cleaned Dr Pepper off the ceiling with you… so when their “Dr Pepper chaos” happens they are ready!

Age Appropriate Chores

How do we train up kids that have skills they will need to be successful adults? Where do we start?

Initially, it takes effort on the parent’s part to begin the process. They are going to need help- “doing” the chore. Yes, it would be easier for you to just go fill the dog dish with water. BUT- the character it builds in your child is worth the extra few minutes and the possible spills. As you work with your kids in each phase- you are not looking for perfection. You are looking to teach, train and lead them along the way.

It’s important to keep reminding yourself this is the first time they have carried water in a bowl across a room, this is the first time they have scrubbed a plate, this is the first time they wash the clothes. You have done these things hundreds of times, but they haven’t. In fact, a few months ago they weren’t even capable- so give them very detailed and patient instruction. In time you’ll see them do things well, but it takes practice!

As you teach these chores, take time to teach them these skills they will use their whole lives! Invest in this as much as you do in memorizing the multiplication tables!

Here is a simple list – there are far more extensive ones online – But this gets you started!

Preschool 3-5

carry laundry
match socks
put shoes away
pick up toys
fill water dish for pets
sort silverware
wipe counter
feed pet
carry groceries

Early School Age 5-8

set table
put away laundry
load dishwasher
water plants
get mail
take out trash
wash window
clean shower/tub

Middle School and Tween

Fold Laundry
Vacuum
Sweep
Wash Car
Wash/Dry Clothes
Clean Bathroom
Pull Weeds
Plant Flowers
Scan Documents
Babysit

High School

Organize closet
Clean out area for donations – outgrown items
Clean out garage
Plan and Cook a Meal
Pay Bills and Basic Accounting for Family

Tools that helped us!

There is this amazing system called Accountability Kids that we used with our kids when they were 3-8. It’s basically a pegboard that has these cards with tasks that you hang in their room. As they do a task they move the card to the “finished” peg. They can earn money, rewards and just feel so accomplished as they do their tasks for each day. It gave our schedule so much routine and predictability! They could look each day and see exactly what was going to be happening. http://accountablekids.com/
BUSYKID APP and debit card. As our kids got older we wanted to teach them more about the value of work/money and how far money really goes when you want the VANS! This app allows parents to attach a monetary value to each chore. The kids have to be responsible and check off what chores they did. Parents then go in and approve the “income generated” and it goes into an account each week. They can save, give or put the money on a debit card they can use anywhere. IT’S AMAZING! https://busykid.com/

I don’t make anything off of these links- I just really want you to have them!