Uniquely You Archives - Journey Inspired

Quiet, Dream, Write it Down, and… GO!

This summer I found myself in a small apartment in Chicago with tons of time on my hands. (One of my daughters was at a dance workshop) I bought a notebook and started dreaming. On the front page I wrote some goals and put time frames to them. Then, because of the quiet, I was able to create an action plan to start chasing them. Just these few moments of quiet and reflection lit a fire in me to get some things done!

To date, three of the four goals I set in that simple yellow spiral have come to be! This blog being launched, my ballet book being in the editing phase by year end and finding a way to minister to moms (launched a new non-profit for working moms with a group of women). The forth one, is a longer term goal and requires a bit more family participation to accomplish. Stay tuned…

Quiet

The biggest enemy of our dreams is distraction. There are a million great things we can do, but very few of them are actually what we are supposed to be doing. I know it’s almost impossible with little ones, but I challenge you to find quiet. Even just 5 minutes after they go to bed to think, dream, write, reflect. NOT check social media, pin 10 birthday party ideas, watch some show… but really just be quiet and focus on you.

Dream and Write it Down

Take a pen and a piece of paper and think about what really fires you up. What passion in you is God stirring for something He wants changed in our world? Write it down. No matter how crazy or out of reach it is, write it down. All those ideas you have when you are supposed to be sleeping… write them down.

Go!

During the quiet time that you have planned for, create some action steps to chase these dreams. It can literally be one phone call a day, or scheduling a meeting with a few like minded friends, or taking one online class this semester. The dream can take time to accomplish, but if you do nothing it will never be!

Lies that will hold you back

this is selfish: No! You are balancing the unique things you were created for with the responsibilities and obligations you have.
this is too much: No! You are taking a designated amount of time and energy each day/week to focus on this and the progress may be slow but you are doing it!
this is stupid: No! I promise you there are hundreds of other people with the same passion/concern/desire as you. If you feel a tug on your heart to do something it’s because it’s part of who you were made to be… and that’s never stupid!
this isn’t the time: No! There will always be excuses. You have to find a way to make the time – even if it’s 5 minutes a week! This is who you were created to be…it’s always the right time to be you!

When you feel Blah…

I’ve been in a bit of a slump for a few weeks… nothing really happened to put me there… I just felt like I was going through the motions with everything. No one probably could tell, because that’s what we do – right ? We put on our normal faces and just keep going.

Last week I got really frustrated as I read through my goals for the month and realized I was falling behind on all of them. All because… of my lack of passion about really anything…was preventing me from accomplishing ANYTHING… I was just blah. All the important things were still happening.- Schoolwork with kids, hosting events, teaching my classes all keep going. But it was all on robot… not from my heart like it normally is.

Let me tell you when it’s not from my heart- it’s exhausting!

I had lots of excuses- we are so busy, I have no margin, I have to do this and this… before that…, It’s impossible, blah blah blah… It was this daily cycle of being discouraged, tackling the MUST BE DONE and not seeing a way to flip things around- so just keep going.

Then starts the negative self talk. “Why can’t you pull it together?” “Look how those other people are killing it- and you are barely pulling yourself through the day.” “You are supposed to be all together— if people only knew what a mess you are.”

John often notices when I’m in these funks. He doesn’t say anything. He just dives in and knows that the key to getting me out is to help me feel treasured and less overwhelmed by life.

Realistically though, it can’t always be my knight in shining armor that pulls me out of a slump. John will not always notice I’m slipping. Sometimes we might slip at the same time.

As John and I talked through some of these things I found myself realizing what had changed were some of the really important routines in my life.

So how do I put things in place to help me catch it myself and not get so completely overwhelmed?

Take (and give away) Control of Your Day!

For me I love to start with a morning prayer giving God my day- and telling Him I’m open to anything HE has for me. He knows I have things “planned”, but I give Him permission to interrupt with things that are more important or more aligned with HIS plan for my day.

Then, knowing as you begin each day/week what the top 3-5 priorities can really set you up for success. It takes the pressure off! If the other then things don’t get done, it’s okay because the priorities moved forward. I divide these things up into a couple lists.

Balance: Things that must be done to keep my mind and spirit in balance.

Mine are: Prayer and some worship music in the morning a then a short “regroup” before I head to the dance studio for the evening, and washing my face before bed.

Must get done: These are the things that must get done today. These are my top 3-5 tasks for the day. They are not negotiable and they are the priority.

Mine might be: update the website, create a flier, teach algebra lesson to kids, cook dinner for small group

I’d really like to: These are the things that I’ll work on if the “must get done” list gets finished. They are typically bigger projects or ideas that I may need to break down into smaller steps to accomplish.

Mine might be: brainstorm topics for blog, look up lesson plans for new book, watch a training video for dance, choose a new fireplace design

Things I can ask for help on: These are the things that someone else can do Often these are things others actually do better or enjoy more than me. They free me up to have time for other things. Or maybe someone can do this at a much higher quality than I would do.

Mine might be: paint a room, light office work, run errands, assemble furniture, or math

Identify What’s the source of the Blah….

When it comes down to it in these moments, there is something specific that is causing the blah. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! You are in control of so much more in your life than you think! If something isn’t working or is causing you to lose sleep, life, creativity- change it!

This time, for me, it was Algebra II. We home school and so I had put the girls in a co-op to handle this for me because I’m a ballerina- I’m not a math girl.

Shortly into the year, we discovered that the majority of the course work in my oldest’s class was going to be self taught with a TON of homework. which means… I’m teaching it and helping with homework. Exactly what I’d signed up NOT TO DO! Each week 1-2 hours was spent with me studying. Then 4-6 hours would be spent on teaching this terrible subject and then she’d do homework. Homework, which she didn’t understand because I’m a terrible algebra teacher (remember I’m a ballerina- we only count to 8) So homework would take us about 30 minutes for every 4 problems.

We made a decision. We needed a different approach. The moment we made this decision we all felt light… free… stress lifted, creativity came back, colors were brighter, food tasted better… well that might be a bit of an exaggeration… but not much.

Sometimes you just push through and sometimes you shift the plan. Either is fine… just don’t get stuck in the blah…

HELP…it’s ok to ask!

There are a million great ideas, projects, extras, little touches, chores, tasks, errands, lists… and there is just one me. In fact, this awesome list of amazing creative things that I want to accomplish can actually flip and be the source of so much guilt- I just can’t do it all…

Before I dive into the “help!” aspect of this, let me first say- we need to be more selective about what we tackle. We need to say no to things that don’t line up with our responsibilities, gifts and strengths. BUT what about when you don’t have a choice…

Child A has to go to choir performance, Child B has to go to dance and Child C is sick… what then? What about when you have a great idea for a teacher gift and just don’t have the time to pull it off? What about when you are out of town for work, but need to have errands run for your family back at home? Guess what… it’s OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP!

We have this crazy mental block as moms that if we ask for help we are weak or not doing it all, or failing somehow as a mom, wife or woman with a career. I challenge you to think differently- if you ask for help you are actually able to multiply your impact and focus your own time on things that are specifically “YOU”.

Free Help

Don’t get caught up thinking- I can’t afford help. There are several ways you can get help without spending a dime.

Trade childcare hours with another mom. You get 3 hours on Tuesday…. She gets 3 on Friday. Create a little trading program with a small group of moms. This way you get the time to do your stuff AND you get some fun time with your kids and their friends!
Trade tasks with someone- I’ll make you a meal once a week if you can drive my kids home from dance. I can help teach your daughter piano – can you organize my kids closets this summer? Find out what your friends are good at or what they love to do and trade!
Your kids are capable of so much more than you think! Award privileges and screen time rewards to simple tasks that take things off your plate. (Sweep the porch, clean windows, sort socks, organize jewelry drawer, scan paperwork)

Apps and People that Help!

There are some amazing apps and people out there to help you outsource some of the things on your list each week and make the someday sooner for some of those things on your lists! I’ve used a lot of these apps so let me give you some feedback. You can have confidence as you tackle those projects!

Driving Help- MomTaxi is a great service in our area– but they have a HUGE wait list. So now what… driving my kids around takes so much of my time! Free- trade with another mom! OR pay a little and find a super responsible Senior in High School or a College student that wants a little income and let them pick up, drop off and be the driver a couple days a week. I’ve had my dance students drive my kids for years. My girls have some amazing young adult mentors because of this exchange.
Errands- I highly recommend using Favor, Takl or TaskRabbit to help execute your to-do lists faster! You can accomplish a full list of errands or home repairs WHILE YOU ARE AT WORK! Or if you’re a mom with little ones at home you get a morning full of errands done without loading and unloading them in the car all day!
Mommy’s Helper: Hire a teen, young adult or other mom to come just play for a few hours with your kids. so you can organize a closet or maybe you just want to take a shower and watch a show! NO guilt… these are people that want to hang out with your kid because they love them! My daughter LOVES to do this for the little ones at her gym. She get’s 20.00 and a mom gets 3 hours of whatever she wants to do. She is home to supervise… or not- as you get comfortable you can leave for a bit and know these people are investing in your kids and it’s a good thing!

https://www.taskrabbit.com/s/5vbqp/try?utm_source=trycode

https://app.takl.com/#_=_

An Assistant

Ok- before you say I can’t afford that… There is a value to your time. Remember you have a limited amount of time. Sometimes buying an hour or two back to do something else is way more valuable than it actually costs.

I pay someone for about 5-10 hours a week of help. These are the kinds of things I have them do… run to cleaners, donate items, put together gifts, light office work, returns, gift pickup, oil changes, car wash, vet and groomer appointments for pets, make calls requesting bids or scheduling appointments, creating Pinterest boards for events or ideas that I want to tackle, and organizing. If you go into this with a bullet point list – and set a budget THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

Uniquely You

We have goals and dreams that are bigger than running to the cleaners and returning an Amazon purchase. Find a way to outsource some of these tasks. You can reclaim the time to chase the things you are uniquely designed to do! Get more involved in the things that specifically line up with your gifts and joys!

Think of all the time you reclaim!! Do the things you wish you could do more of (play with your kids, read, write, study, cook, work…).

Right now- look at your week- and ask 4 Questions

What are 3 things that need done but don’t need ME to do them?
What is something I could teach my kids to do over the next weeks? Eventually have them take these on as their own responsibility?
Are there some things I am putting on my list that are only there because of external pressure?
What is one project I’ve been putting off – that if I just ask for a little help can get started?

Your title isn’t your identity…

Mom, Teacher, Nurse, Chef, CEO, Ballerina… are titles- titles we treasure and often work hard to gain. While they define what we do for large blocks of time, they do not define our identity. These are avenues by which our identity may flow, but they do not solely define us. There is so much more to us than one title!

What happens when you stop being whatever that title is?… do you no longer have purpose? OF COURSE NOT! You will most likely have numerous titles over a lifetime that provide opportunities for you to live out that purpose.

Throughout life your titles, labels and roles will change/evolve, but your purpose/identity will be consistent: it may just look different during different seasons of life.

My Own Crisis

When I was about 35 I injured my back. I was no longer able to perform as a ballerina. Now, for about 20 years that was my title- “Ballerina” and it was really difficult for me to disconnect “ME” from “Ballerina”. To transition out of that mindset I really prayed that God would help take away my NEED to BE a ballerina in order to feel successful or valuable. . My identity very much was wrapped up in that title. The truth was that my title was changing- but not my purpose.

The challenge was that I had associated so much of my worth and value in being a “ballerina”. AND YET- my body was so done… For the first time ever I had to back out of a performance. I attended rehearsals with heat patches on my back hoping I could just get warm enough to work and then I’d cry in pain on the drive home. I couldn’t sit up straight or even sleep because I was in so much pain. I could literally feel my bones grinding against each other… but I wouldn’t stop because I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED being a ballerina!!!!

Aside from the lights, glamour, glitter, tutus… it’s brutal work and to do it for so many years is just A LOT- especially when you add having babies on that. Your body just can only do so much. I struggled those last years to hold it all together!

Clarity and What’s Next?

I began to pray that God would help remove my “NEED” to be on stage, that my heart would let go of this- because I just didn’t want to. One night I was performing Paquita – with my amazing partner of over 10 years and while we stood posed on stage during a section where the company danced… I literally looked across the stage and into the audience and thought, “this is it… I’m done… and it’s okay. This isn’t all I am and it’s okay to be done”.

I DID FINISH that performance! and strong- I remember thinking what a celebration right now! I’m done and I’m so happy and GOD IS SO GOOD to meet me in this moment and give me grace for my heart to move to what is next!

My purpose in ballet was (and is) to creatively use movement to express emotions and stories for people to enjoy and grow from. As a “Ballerina” that came out in the action of performing. As a “choreographer”, “teacher”, “director” – the purpose still is the same- it just looks different. While there are aspects of performance/training that I miss, I have such a larger platform now to influence and inspire!

If we wrap our identity in one title we could TOTALLY miss so many other opportunities from which our purpose could flow from us!

Finding it…

Specifically finding where your gifts and passions meet God’s heart for people is where you find these answers.

There are tons of resources out there to help you narrow down, identify, focus, dream, and define a statement of purpose. The actual statement probably isn’t as important as the process of praying, seeking, investigating and reflecting on exactly what God has put you here to uniquely partner with HIM to do.

I worked on this on a mission trip in Ireland about 18 years ago. I had a ton of notes, a gifting test, a prayer journal, and a friend/mentor. After some time, I composed a statement. Then I reworded a few things, looked for better descriptive words to make it more “me” and then ran with it! I even adjust it a bit from time to time when I discover more about myself! There was not a voice from heaven booming down telling me this statement… but the process of spending time asking God got me there.

Here’s Mine- To use hospitality, arts and creativity to inspire and create opportunity for others to explore their relationship with God and bring glory to Christ.

Choices Become Easier

When you have this purpose in mind, choices become easier. If it lines up with your statement you consider the possibility far more than things that do not. You have this filter with which you can look at things and determine if it’s something that is uniquely you!

Resources

Here are a few resources that can help, but remember the real resource is time talking to the One that made you! The first one is what I used to get started… the second is helping me fine tune and redefine 20 years later!

YOU NEED BOTH OF THESE BOOKS IN YOUR LIFE

This post contains affiliate links, which means I receive a small commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase using this link.

Special thanks to Richard Rejino for all the dance photography that captured that wonderful time of my life. Now he captures my students as they carry on from here!

A moment for…

What would you do if I told you the entire day is yours to chase a dream? I’m not talking about catching up on laundry, sleeping, running errands… but something that is near to your heart that you almost have forgotten because it seems so out of reach. What injustice or social issue does your heart ache for, but all your energy goes to keeping toddlers breathing and fed?

A Practical Plan

The only way to fit these dreams into your life is to make it happen in small increments that are practical. Carve out just 15 minutes for this “thing” that is uniquely you. Read up on legislation that is being introduced and call a senator, jot down some family recipes that you want to publish in a cookbook, learn to play the piano, plan a playdate. Whatever it is, set aside a time and do it!- no excuses! This gets priority on your schedule just like a dentist appointment for your kids would.

When 15 minutes becomes easy- double it!

Excuses?

I bet you already have three reasons you can’t do this running through your head. “I’m too busy”, “I can’t because I have to…”- right? Here is where your desire for this change has to be stronger than your excuses. So, that time you spend on social media?- cut it down a little. Cook ahead for a day or two to free up some time later in the week. Instead of the binge watch of your show on Netflix after kids go to bed, you only watch 1 episode and spend the other time investing in what’s uniquely you.

Share your Journey!

One of my dreams is to play the cello. For a long time I made excuses, but then one Mother’s Day my husband bought me a cello. We made finding time for me to learn a priority. I’m terrible and it’s so much harder than i thought- but I’m doing it!

What is something that is uniquely you that you are going to prioritize?