As a home school mom there is this looming fear that you will mess up your kids. (I bet all moms feel this though). If your kid gets to the upper levels and have ANY difficulty- you failed. I mean, if they can’t just look at the problems and navigate instant answers– you instantly question what you did in preschool.
Why do we take the pressure of our kid’s success on ourselves? Why do we assume we messed up if they don’t instantly understand incredibly difficult subjects? Literally there are hundreds of tutors in Dallas BECAUSE algebra is tough! Why do I freak out for a whole afternoon because I cannot understand this subject enough to help?
I’m going to be really real here. Yesterday, I had a full out melt down. I outsourced these subjects this year because I know I am not good at them. AND YET- here I am trying to help with homework and TOTALLY NOT UNDERSTANDING ANYTHING!!! Instead of just saying, “let’s ask for some help”. I freaked out! I blamed everything from our schedule to our sweet dog… (he wants in and out and in and out… it’s exhausting!)
Reality?
So my husband is really good at reality- he is really good at reminding me of what is real in my head and what is made up fear. During our conversation (in the middle of my freak out) he made some excellent points. (just so you know- I never see these points in the moment… I mean I’m in the middle of freaking out… how could I? I usually see them a few hours later…)
- Have we asked the teacher for help? This can’t be the first time a student has not understood.
- We need our kids to know how to ask for help and how to break a problem down before they just jump and bail to a different program. (this will apply to jobs, relationships… in their adult lives)
- We have not scheduled enough time to really even do the assignments- so some of the pressure may not be misunderstanding it may just be not enough time to handle the workload.
- I live with a person that totally get’s math- (he literally has an economics degree) and I have not asked him to help. It’s highly possible the wrong parent is involved in this situation.
OK- I should have seen this coming- In my sophomore year I had the most amazing algebra teacher. Bless Mr Jordan…. he would put a bag of pretzels on my desk and his hand on my shoulder and say, “don’t cry while I teach this. I’ll be over as soon as I finish the lesson to help you.” I cried so many times in his class that he knew – he created songs and stayed late and gave me pretzels… because he knew it was not going to happen for me the way it did 90% of the students. Teachers like this… they impact you forever. I can still sing the quadratic equation if anyone would like to know…
Chili?
Same day… I made chili for a Bible class my husband is subbing for. Within 10 minutes of the chili being uncovered- it was gone. not bragging… My chili is good- I took my mom’s recipe and added green chilies, a billion beans and corn. Please don’t think I’m a brat… I’m just owning that I CAN MAKE CHILI AND I’M NOT GOOD AT ALGEBRA 2! In fact, that day I did more than make chili- I choreographed an entire dance, managed some transactions for our real estate investments, taught symbolism and imagery from a literary work by O Henry… all of which are in my sphere of gifting.
Reality and Chili…
The reality is that I don’t have to be good at ever subject my kids need to finish school! I don’t have to be perfect! It’s not important (or possible) for me to be able to BE everything ALL the time! What?
I can find tutors, provide coffee, find resources, line up help, encourage and push for excellence EVEN WHEN IT’S NOT MY SKILL SET! I can admit when I’m in over my head and LET other people help!
What’s yours?
We all have these- the areas we know are important to invest in our kids, but they are not our strengths. How are you going to identify and provide opportunity to your kids without taking the burden of the skill upon yourself?
- What do you want them to have that you can’t provide?
- How are you going to get them there?
- Is this an area you want to grow in or are you okay to outsource it?
- No matter what the approach you need to let the outcome be the responsibility of your child and hold THEM accountable. You don’t have to pass Algebra 2 again!
- Do they need more help? A better balance of time? A snack? – These are things you can find ways to provide and yet support their individual success!
What is your Chili? The thing you are good at and sometimes other things block your ability to fully do. .
What is your Algebra? What is the thing that someone else can do far better than you? LET it go- It’s okay to not be good at everything!
